hey.. yeah.. as u can sense it.. i'm in pain.. i'm lost.. i'm still learning new waes to live w/o asad.. it's hard.. fucking hard.. wad am i suppose to do? how am i suppose to react now that he's gone.. ma fault.... he's gone now cos of me.... i hate maself now.. i hate maself for actualli letting him go.. i hate maself for doing such things to him.. i hate maself for giving him a chance to hate me..

i wanna scream my lungs out.. i wanna drown maself in sea of ma own tears.. i wanna be alone.. i wanna live ma life in solitude..

aman is holdin on for me.. he's not gonna rush things.. i told him not to and he say dun weri he wont.. he noes i'm having a hard time now trying to mend pieces of ma broken heart.. i'm still trying to forget asad.. i cant do that.. i noe.. haiz.. i'm missing asad.. but i seriousli tink it's the best fer both of us.. i'm a wild gerl.. i need to be tame i guess.. [*if u wanna be a gud gerl, get urself a bad boi*]haha..
it's not fair fer asad.. to stay and tolerate ma shit.. i need to get rid of ma bad habit.. "i'm not suppose to love u animore"

i miss u asad.. i alwaes will.. u'll be kept close to ma heart..
aman.. thanx fer holdin on and understanding me and ma tears, ma emotions..

gonna end this post with 4 songs from BABYFACE.....
_____________________________________________________________________________________

THE LONELINESS (this song's damn good!!)

I'm sitting here
Thinkin' 'bout
How I'm gonna do without
You around
In my life
And how am I, I gon' get by
Ain't got no days
Just lonely nights
If you want the truth
Well girl, I'm not alright
Feel out of place
And out of time
I think I'm gonna lose my mind

So tell me how you feel (I'm lonely)
Are you for real (so lonely)
Do you still think of me (I think of you)
Baby still (you only)
Do you dream of me at night (like I dream you all the time)
So lone

Oh, let me tell you how it feels (it's like everyday I die)
Wish I was dreamin but it's real (when I open up my eyes)
Oh, let me tell you how it feels (and don't see your pretty face)
I think that I will never love again

I miss your face
I miss your kiss
I even miss, the arguments
That we would have
From time to time
I miss you standing by my side
I'm dying here
It's clear to see
There ain't no you, God knows there ain't no me
Don't wanna live
I wanna die
If I can't have you in my life

So tell me how you feel (oh)
Are you for real (for real)
Do you still think of me (I think of you)
Baby still (you only)
Do you dream of me at night (it's like I dream you all the time)
So lone

Oh, let me tell you how it feels (it's like everyday I die)
Wish I was dreamin but it's real (when I open up my eyes)
Oh, let me tell you how it feels (and don't see your pretty face)
I think that I will never love again (will never, I will never love again)

[repeat until end]
So tell me how you feel (I'm lonely)
Are you for real (so lonely)
Do you still think of me (I think of you)
Baby still (you only)
Do you dream of me at night (it's like I dream you all the time)
So lone

Oh, let me tell you how it feels (it's like everyday I die)
Wish I was dreamin but it's real (when I open up my eyes)
Oh, let me tell you how it feels (and I don't see your pretty face)
I think that I will never love again (i'll never ever ever love again, baby)

WISH I COULD TELL U

I wish that I could tell you
How I really feel
I wish you could believe my love for you is real
All I know is, I ain't much without you
You really are the better part of me, yes

Chorus:
No matter how it goes (no matter how it goes)
Girl I want you to know
You're my moon, river, my dreammaker
My soulmate, you're like gold
A beautiful
beautiful
oooh baby

Wish that I could change the way things might have been
I wish we could start over and fall in love again
All I know is I wont ever doubt you
I wanna live (wanna live) inside your heart again

ohhh

Chorus:
No matter how it goes (no matter how it goes)
Girl I want you to know
You're my moon, river, my dreammaker
My soulmate, you're like gold
A beautiful
beautiful
oooh baby


ohhh
You're my moon, river, my dreammaker
my soulmate, you're like gold
ohhhh
You're my moon, river, my dreammaker
my soulmate, you're like gold
a beautiful (oh yeah)

I wish that I could tell you how I really feel.

WITH HIM

So ya' never meant to hurt nobody
Well I think your full of it, yeah so
cause if ya really really didn't wanna hurt nobody
You wouldn't slept with my best friend, baby
And to bring insult to my injury
You weren't a big discrete
And while the world stood witness
To my embarrassment
You put a knife inside of me

::Chorus::
How could you fall in love with him?
How could you give your heart to him?
Thought we'd grow old
As lovers
Together til' the end, baby
How could you fall?
fall in love with him?
oh, yeah, yeah

and I know we've had our, up and downs
And that I do admit, yes
But sometimes lovers go astray
But you've made it permanent
Oh I can't be that understanding, no way
My heart's just not that big ( no it ain't, no it ain't)
I can take the pain
Of infidelity
But I can't take you with him

::Chorus::
How could you fall in love with him? (baby)
How could you give your heart to him? (baby)
Thought we'd grow old
As lovers
Together til' the end
How could you fall?
fall in love with him?
oh, yeah, yeah

Thought we'd grow old
As lovers
Together til' the end
How could you fall?
fall in love with him?

WHAT IF (my favourite of all!!!)

I ran into a friend of yours the other day
And I asked her how you've been
She said my girl is fine; just bought a house, got a job, real good man
I told her I was glad for you; that's wonderful
But does she ever ask `bout me?
She said she's happy with her life right now
Let her go, let her be
And I told myself I would, but something in my heart just would not let you go
I just wanna know

[Chorus:]
What if we were wrong about each other?
What if you were really made for me?
What if we was `sposed to be together?
Would that not mean anything?
What if that was `sposed to be my house that you go home to every day?
How can you be sure that things are better?
If you can't be sure your heart is still here with me
Still wanting me

Your friend asked me if there was someone special in my life that I was seeing
I told her there was no one in particular
There's just I, myself, and me
I told her that I dream of you quite often
She just cut her eyes at me
She said you got a home, you're very happy
So just stop your meddling
I told her that I won't
I said things were cool, but I guess I was wrong
I still can't move on

[Chorus]

Now that could be my car
That could be my house
That could be my baby boy that you're nursing
That could be the trash that I always take out
That could be the chair that I love to chill in
That could be my food on the table at the end of the day
Hugs and the kisses, all the love we make
What the hell do you expect me to say?
What if it's really `sposed to be this way?
What if you're really `sposed to be with me?