BORING DAE...
BORING!!!!!hmmm.. haiz.. been a boring dae.. damn bloody boring dae to be exact..
ferstli... last nite went over to yaya's place.. to study and finish project..
i reached her place sumwhere around 12 am lyddat..
went to mac ferst to grab a bite, den we went to 7-11 to grab a drink..
we went her house, study a while, i slept ferst and told her to wake me up at 0130.. she did, but i just cant force maself to get up..
we planned to watched soccer at mac at 3 but both of us fell asleep..
WOW~~!!!EXCITING~~!!!!lucky fer us, we wrote notes ardi and study a lil b4 sleeping..
we woke up at 8, bathe and stret awae study sei..
haiz.. that's all fer morning...
in the afternoon, ate KFC.. and den went home and sleep!!
sleep ma ass off til 1955.. luckily mursh called me up about collecting her fon.. if not, i tink i'll sleep til the next dae..
watched soccer alone in the evening..
PORTUGAL 2, MEXICO 1lameass.. i watched alone.. hahak..
den this 3 buggers whom i happen to be sitting with, kept chatting and chatting non stop..
idiots!!!
wanna watch soccer or wanna talk???
wanna talk den get out of the damn bloody fuckin place..
freakin irritating siak..
nothin else happen..
except fer the fact that i found out the meaning of
"hei se mao yi"(a song by Jay Chou)it means black sweater..
wow~~! every other songs remind me of him.. and every other time, i'll tell maself and remind maself that i'm much more stronger than i can be..
i still have his bluish black sweater wimme..
should i give him back??
or shud i just keep it fer remembrance??
haiz.. i tink i shall just keep it.. hahak.. it looks good on me aniwae.. (hahak.. i noe.. i'm being such a bitch.. but i noe that he wud wan me to keep it as well.. does he??? hahak~~!)
u noe the song by Hillary Duff??
SO YESTERDAY??i alwaes sing the song whenever i feel lyk i cant make it.. lyk i'm weak.. the song reminds me of being independent w/o him.. lyk wad happened b/w me and him are just in the past and
SO YESTERDAE!!!haiz.. ppl whom i dunno also read ma blog.. from ma frenster account..
dun follow ah ppl..slitting of wrists is stoopid.. dun sacrifice ur own life fer others..especially others hu leave u and hurt u..tell yaself that everything happens fer a reason..someone told me once or twice that "this body ain't ours.. HE lend it to us"HE wudn't wanna make his creations suffer fer nothing... there's alwaes a bright dae behind every darkest nite....
k la.. wanna sign out.. damn bloodi tired..
remember ppl.. LOVE urself.. DON'T COMPROMISE yaself fer others...U ARE ALL THAT U'VE GOT....mmmuuaahhh~~!!!!

♥
fai BITCHED at : 12:04 AM
OUCH!!!
I CUT MASELF AGAIN!!!!well.. things has been so shitty lately.. i dunnoe hu to turn to.. i cut maself again.. this time round, it's at ma wrist area.. i came home from werk feeling sleepy and tired..ma mind starts to drift... to asad.... i feel pain.. i called ma fren up so that i wont start to do stoopid things.. that's the onli wae to prevent me from injuring maself..haiz.. in the end.....i went to the toilet...soak maself wet with ma shirts and shorts still on...cry as the water flows down from ma head to the tip of ma toe...i cant seem to forget him...cant seem to let go....cant seem to do aniting right...well.. he's happy.. with sumone new... (just be happy aight...i got no sae in ya life now aniwae...)i cut maself with ma shaver.. new blades... i noe.. dumb huh..but tinkin back i dunno y i did that fer..ther was onli me and ma younger bro at home.. imagine if i were to cut too deeply.. and i lost too much blood.. wadde hell is ma younger bro supposed to do sei..SO STOOPID!!!ma younger bro is sitting beside me now.. feeding me food.. hahak.. at times he feel like ma elder bro.. hahak.. when i accidentalli injured maself, den scared to put the injured part to be in contact with water, he'll be the one hushing me and gently patting ma injured part with tissue..i noe.. cute kan.. hahak..k ala.. wanna catch Brazil vs Australia ardi.. life goes on ppl.. dun injured yaself..ppl around u still care fer u... though they nvr sae it out, deep in their heart, u noe they do...love u lots ya'll.. gerlfrens!!!! thanx fer just being there... MMMUUAAHHH~~!!

♥
fai BITCHED at : 11:24 PM
I HATE MASELF!!! HATE ME TOO PLEASE!!!!
I HATE MASELF!!! HATE ME TOO PLEASE!!!!
call me STOOPID!!!
call me FOOLISH!!!
aniting that will make u happy!!!!
dun be good to me!!!
POINTLESS!!!!
i'm HURT here!!!!
CRYING rite now!!!(bet u dun even noe that)
dun BOTHER about me!!!
a small lil cut is nothin compared to an ocean of REGRETS...
i'd rather cut maself bit by bit.. let the blood drip to become an ocean...
let me be....
i'm crying... in silence.. in smiles, i hide the real me...
nobody knoes...
dumbass... u guys must be questioning..
y the hell do that for??
y the hell hurt maself for??
u guys reali wanna noe the answer???
it's because i hurt him so badli b4 that i din realize the pain he's gone thru..now it's ma turn...
yes.. i'm not gonna deny this.. i still love him..
so deeply..
and yes.. i do miss him....
so badly....
i've been living in denial!!!!
happy now????
shit.. i feel like cutting maself again..
*shinyi.. come here fast.. please....*
called her but no response...
i tink i need help...

♥
fai BITCHED at : 1:31 AM
@TIMES, WERKIN SUCKS
yo.. waddup ya'll..
me just came back from werk.. it was ok la.. but at times i reali reali find werkin kinda damn bloody tiring.. it's not about serving customers and doing their drinks or wad.. but it's more about the conflicts.. inner conflicts.. mentally pressurized sei..
i as usual la.. not gonna be bothered.. but at times it reali get on ur nerves ah when u see ppl "acting" in front of another..
WHY CANT THERE BE LOVE??????haiz..
life hasnt been okay either.. well maybe.. hahak..
met Asad after project ystrdy..went to airport.. actualli intended to go alone.. but yeah.. he msged me "gud nite" previous nite while i was watchin soccer(England vs Trinidad) so i asked him along lor...
AIRPORT where it all ferst started.... haiz.....
neh.. forget it.. no point raking up the past... hahak.. we cant turn back time can we? well.. if onli..haiz..
k la. no more sadness..
eh wait.. one last one..
todae's Al's last dae at Suntec..he'll be goin off to Compass Point.. to do his RMT shits.. well managers kan slalu kene campak campak.. hahak.. so EXCITING.. i gave him one last hug and den i okay y'noe.. like no tears no nothing.. den suddenli CMC came in the backroom and kept saeing Al's last dae Al's last dae.. ALAMAK!!!! den i burst sei.. wadda fuck.. everytime i also
werk with Al.. like one hella brother to me.. haiz.. he better come back ah after one month.. They(HQ ppl) better not trnsfer him elsewhere..
but aniwae..
all good things will come to an end one dae.. but life goes on... we have to move on...ok ok.. da da.. enuff of sadness..
it's kinda stoopid huh fer oneself to cut oneself to see oneself bleed and to see the pain cure by itself.....haiz... i noe i noe.. kept sighing...
check out this poem... by me...
"sorry.. i din mean to hurt maself or aniting lyddat.. i din mean to LOVE u...i din mean to HURT u...never meant to tink of u...let alone, CRY fer u...guess.. this is just me...well..ppl sae u never missed the water until it's gone....guess they are so damn bloody rite...cant blame anione, can i??it's ma fault to start with and i gotta clean the shits maself...i'm on ma wae...on ma wae to ma own werld...SOLITUDE...perhaps ther's where i should begin with...but how??no matter how i tried to be in solitudeu are still there...with me...but let me make it clear.. it's not about PHYSICALLY being therebut more like MENTALLY alwaes there...how??i tried..tried getting u outta ma head...tried pushing u aside..far from ma HEAD, from ma HEART, far from ME.....but i just cant....perhaps u are right... we ARE...(wait a minute)we WERE too close...."gotta go...

♥
fai BITCHED at : 12:08 AM
WAD HURTS THE MOST - JO O'MEARA
WAD HURTS THE MOST -JO O'MEARAI can take the rain
On the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then
And just let 'em outI'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while
Even though
Going on, with you gone
Still upsets me,
There are days
Every now and again
I pretend I'm OKBut that's not what gets meWhat hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk awayAnd never knowing
What could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to doIt's hard to deal
With the pain of losing youEverywhere I go, but I'm doin' it
It's harder for a sad smileWhen I see our old friends and I'm aloneStill harder
Gettin' up, gettin' dressedDealin' with this regretBut I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away
All the words that I say
In my heart that I left unspokenWhat hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
It's what I was trying to doOh, oh oh, oh
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to doWhat hurts the most,
whenever you walk away,Yeah,
Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh___________________________________________________________________
bloody hell.. damn sad song.. shit.. haiz... asad msged me just now.. saying good nite and that he missed me..
haiz...
i'll stick to the promise that i promise u about not askin the question again.. we have to move on remember?? you're happy now.. better off w/o me i guess...i'll take the tears...u keep the smiles aight...

♥
fai BITCHED at : 3:30 AM
ENGLAND 2 TRINIDAD 0
SOCCER WITH SHINYI!!!!fuiyoh!!!!
ENGLAND 2 TRINIDAD 0so bloody happy.. hmmm.. lemme tell u ferst about ma dae...
morning, go skool.. late fer ferst lesson so nvr go..
afternoon, finish lesson at 12.. Yaya, Mursh and Kin came over ma place.. supposed to study but in the end we did not.. (as alwaes.. hahak!!!)
evening, slept at 7.30.. supposed to wake up at 8 to study, but in the end woke up at 2145hrs.. so exciting.. shinyi called me up cos we agreed to watch soccer together..
2345hrs, went down to mac.. wah.. left with so lil seats but we still got the best seats la.. hahak..
1st half.........
BORING LIKE FUCK!!!! Crouch and Lampard tried to score but no matter wad, neve goal.. dammit.. began to lose hope....
2nd half.......... at ferst also boring.. half dead... hopes decreasing and falling tremendousli.. praying hard to at least score one.. later part of the 2nd half onli den Crouch scored ferst... den after that Gerrard scored!!!
WOW!!! so darn bloody happy..
Trinidad scored after Gerrard.. but too bad fer them, it was
offside!!! hahak!!! so happy!!
the atmosphere there were all for England la.. i tink the Ah Peks all bet their ass off.. very very kecoh when England scored.. when the trinidad's player shoot and England's keeper saved the ball, they were saying a lil prayer la.. hahak.. so cute..
k la.. wanna get back to ma proj.. i tink todae(16/06/06) will be a good dae.. started off well.. later morning got exam.. aight peeps..
that's all fer now..
ROCK ON!!!!

♥
fai BITCHED at : 2:14 AM
MARIO WINANS (a guilty sad song....)
I DUN WANNA KNOE -mario winans(a guilty sad song)
( Mario Winans )Somebody said they saw you
The person you were kissing wasn't me
And I would never ask you
I just kept it to myself
[chorus]
I don't wanna know
If you're playin' me keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if you're creepin' please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know
I think about it when I hold you
When lookin' in your eyes, I can't believe
I don't mean to know the truth
Baby, keep it to yourself
[chorus]
I don't wanna know
If you're playin' me keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if you're creepin' please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know
Did he touch you better than me (touch you better than me)
Did he watch you fall asleep (watch you fall asleep)
Did you show him all those things that you used to do to me (baby)
If you're better off that way ( better off that way )
more than I can say ( all that i can say )
Just go on and do your thing and don't come back to me ( stay away from me )
[P. Diddy]
I don't need to know where your whereabouts or how your movin'
I know when you in the house or when your cruisin'
It's been provin',my love you abusin'
I can't understand how a man got you choosin',
Undecided,I came and provided
My undivided,you came and denied it
Don't even try it,I know when you lyin'
Don't even do that,I know why you cryin'
I'm not applyin' no pressure,just want to let you know
That I don't wanna let you go and I don't wanna let you leave
Can't say I didn't let you breathe,gave you extra g's
Put you in the SUV
You wanted ice,so I made you freeze
Made you hot like the West Indies
Now its time you invest in me
Cause if not, then it's best you leave, holla
(Mario Winans )
I don't wanna know
If you're playin' me,keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if you're creepin',please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know
If you're playin' me,keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if you're creepin',please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know...
(Repeat 2x)
*to all out there.. dun play ya man gerls... though some men are nothin but cheats, treasure wad u have... they mite noe the truth, but keep it within them... just lyk wad happen to me..... i regret.. ain't wanna play no shits no more.. *

♥
fai BITCHED at : 11:04 AM
UNFAITHFUL -RHIANNA
UNFAITHFUL -RHIANNA[Verse 1:]
Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really lost my companyHe's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true
[Bridge:]
And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dyin'[Chorus:]
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymoreI don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer
[Verse 2:]
I feel it in the air
As I'm doin my hair
Preparing for another day
A kiss upon my cheek
He's here reluctantly
As if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hangin' with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tellBecause we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well
[Bridge:]
Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I'm happy with some other guy
I can see him dyin'
[Chorus:]
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymoreI don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer
[Breakdown - Verse 3:]
Our love... his trust
I might as well take a gun
And put it to his head
Get it over with
But I don't wanna do this... anymore
Oooohhh... anymore
[Chorus:]
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer
ooo... a murderer... no,no,no... yeah

♥
fai BITCHED at : 10:59 AM
BABY I'M BACK -BABY BASH feat AKON
BABY I'M BACK -BABY BASH feat AKON[Chorus Akon]
Don't look no farther!
Baby im back (yeah)
Im here to cater to you (any thing that you want me: do ill do it)
Cause Ill be your lover (ill be your lover)
Ill be your best friend
Tell me what I gotta do (tell me what I gotta do and ill do it)[Baby Bash]
Now im back in a flesh
Feelin so blessed, back in your corner suga, suga don't stress
Forget about the rest; let's go inside, im back in your zone
Baby im back in your vibe, now I cant be denied I can lie im on ya
I never ever wanna say sayonara
Some body told me that the grass was greener
On the other side of lake haewa
Never really used to be a mean to cheat her
What I gotta do to be a keeper
These words comin out the speaker, true love is off the meter[Chorus]
[Baby Bash]
I was gone for a minute but now im home,
Kids forget me for being a rolling stone,
Please forgive me let me polish it up like chrome,
Get off the phone till he swears to leave me alone,
Let my start your interest, now there's no more dating on the internet,
Cause you already know how I get it wet, how I get it so salty and I get respect,
You don't have to look no farter, you dealin with the hoe with your lada,
You don't have to look no farther, you hotter then a fire starter
[Chorus]
[Baby Bash]
I was gone for a minute, (oooohhh) [repeat x3]
Now im back let me hit it (oooohhh) [repeat x4]
[Chorus x2]

♥
fai BITCHED at : 10:56 AM
HAH!!!!
hmmm.. new skin.. so me.. i mean check it out!!!
LOVEMENROSES
CHOCOLATESall desire, in one page.. so me... so
FAIRUZA...
red black sumore..
COOL...
GOTHIC...
if u check out the stuffs about me, all written also got chocolates, roses and shits lyddat.. haiz..
i'm goin on fine...
still acting strong..
went to chill with the laydees juz now at esplanade.. kin nvr come skool, so she nvr chill.. haiz....
watched soccer fer a while just now at mac.. after spain's second goal, i'm happi enuff.. left mac after meeting ama and head fer home....
bai's back from camp.. yay!!!!
he passed his TP.. URGH!!!!
i still haven go fer ma prac.. die.. hahak..
k la..
ciao ppl.. peace out....
*cut maself to see maself bleed.......*__________________________________________________________________
lemme end this with a song by
PINK..
THERE U GO...!! (to that sumone hu's reading this, u noe hu u are....)
Please don't come around talkin' bout that you love me,
Cause that love shit just aint for me,
I don't wanna hear that you adore me
And I know that all you're doing is running your mind games,
Don't you know that game repeats game
So your best bet is to be straight with me
So you say you wanna talk, let's talk
If you won't talk I'll walk, yeah it's like that
Got a new man, he's waiting out back
Now what, whatcha think bout that, bout that?
Now when I say I'm through, I'm through
Basically I'm through with you
Whatcha' wanna say?
Had to have it your way, had to play games
Now you're begging me to stay
Chorus
There u go, lookin' pitiful
Just because I let you go
There u go, talkin' bout you want me back
Sometimes it's bez like that, so
There u go, talkin' bout you miss me so,
that you love me so, Why I let you go?
there you go, cause your lies got old
Look at you, there u go!
Please don't come around talkin' bout how you changed
How you said goodbye to what's her name
All it sounds like to me is new game
And I was right when I thought I'd be much better off without you
Had to get myself from 'round you,
Cause my life was all about you
So you say you wanna talk, I don't
Say you wanna change, I won't
Yeah it's like that
Had your chance, won't take it back
Now what, whatcha think bout that, bout that?
and When I say I'm through, I'm through
Basically I'm through with you
Whatcha' wanna say?
Had to have it your way, had to play games
Now you're begging me to stay
CHORUS
Oooh, don't you wish you could turn the hands of time?
Don't you wish that you still were mine?
Don't you wish I'd take you back?
Don't you wish that things were simple like that?
Didn't miss a good thing til' it's gone,
But I knew it wouldn't be long
Til' you came running back, missing my love THERE U GO!!! ___________________________________________________________________*to that someone... i'm still learning to live w/o u.. though it's been 4 months.. hope u're heppy with that gerl..... miss u so....*

♥
fai BITCHED at : 11:09 PM
HOW DOES IT FEELS NOW????
i cut maself to see how much it bleeds..to see the pain that i've caused to maself
to see it cure each passing dae....y cant ma heart be lyddat??broken yet easy to repair..ah.. FUCK IT!!!
i'm such a weakling..
stupid i must sae.. hurting maself to gain pleasure.. haiz...
have u guys heard the sing Unfaithful by Rhianna?
if onli that song came out like a few months back... haiz...
should listen.. conferm bang bang u shot me down one..
aniwae.. nothing much happen lateli..my mask peeling off layer by layer....my weakness is overpowering me..rage enveloped me......i cut maself once.. and yet i cut maself again on the very same spot.. if mama finds out... that's it ah..i noe ppl around me are werried about me..but hey.. be glad that i'm showing u the real me.....someone hu is weak... empty... hollow...
haiz..
da la..
enuff of sadness..
enuff of pain..
when the sun rises, i'll be puttin on ma mask again....
when the moon starts to shine, showing off its glow, i'll still be in darkness..
coz that's where i belong.....

♥
fai BITCHED at : 1:51 AM
TIRED!!!!
well.. todae.. netball was crazee.. hahak... go up and down the stairs.. wow.. i like la.. hahak..
trainin was crazee ah..
walauwei.. pumping like mad.. my knee cap now having problems.. wadda f.. haiz..
been downloading songs.. hahak..
been chatting quite often with fazhly.. sweets..
hahak..
buat lawak..
tomorrow mite be going sheesha.. dunno ah.. dorang all haven conferm wimme yet.. bloody hell..
before sheesha mite be meeting this Bob(Iskandar) guy.. Syuk's fren.. hu used to be ma past history..
mampos tak layan siol..
we last contact each other when i was in sec 2 or 3 den suddenli make a come back..
takya la kan.. kim salam je..
i dun like ah this kinda ppl..
left without saeing a werd and den wanna come back.. haiz.....
NONSENSE AH!!!!!playing CHIPSMORE COOKIES game wimme..
"Now u see me, now u don't"wadda fuck.. takde mase ah nak layan ni sume..
no time!!! pls ah.. enuff of giving me shits la guys!!!"sayang yang suda tu sudanangis tidak berlagu lagi...sayang yang suda tu suda bunga tiada bermadu lagi......"oh and about Alfa kim salam also.. i told you before rite that i lost ma faith.. seriousli ah.. mcm lazy to layan all this guy shits ah.. hahak..LEAVE PEOPLE!!!! GET OUT!!!!___________________________________________________________________
LEAVE -JojoI've been waiting all day here for you babe
So won't you come sit and talk to me
And tell me how we're gonna be together always
I hope you know that when it's late at night
I hold on to my pillow tight
And think of how you promised me forever
(I never thought that anyone) Could make me feel this way
(Now that you're here boy all I want) Is just a chance to say
[Chorus]
Get out (leave) right now
It's the end of you and me
It's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone
'Cause I know, about her
And I wonder
How I bought all the lies
You said that you would treat me right
But you was just a waste of time
Tell me why you're looking so confused
When I'm the one who didn't know the truth
How could you ever be so cold?
To go behind my back and call my friend
Boy you must've gone and bumped your head
Because you left her number on your phone
(So now after all is said and done)
Maybe I'm the one to blame, but
(To think that you could be the one)
Well it didn't work out that way
[Chorus]
Get out (leave) right now
It's the end of you and me
It's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)
'Cause I know, about her (who)
And I wonder (why)
How I bought all the lies (all the lies)
You said that you would treat me right (you said that you)
But you was just a waste of time (waste of time)
I wanted you right here with meBut I have no choice, you've gotta leaveBecause my heart is breaking
With every word I'm sayingBoy, I gave up everything I had
On something that just wouldn't last
But I refuse to cry
No tears will fall from these eyes (ohh, ohh)
Get out!
[Chorus]
Get out (leave) right now
It's the end of you and me (you and me)
It's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)
'Cause I know, about her (who)
And I wonder (why)
How I bought all the lies (how did buy all your lies?)
You said that you would treat me right (you said that you)
But you was just a waste of time (waste of time)
[Chorus]
Get out (leave) right now
It's the end of you and me (hey yeah)
It's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)
'Cause I know, about her (who)
And I wonder (why)
How I bought all the lies
You said that you would treat me right (treat me right)
But you was just a waste of time (ooh)
[Chorus]
Get out (leave)
(you and me)
It's too late (now)(too late) (you)
About her (who)(why)
You said that you would treat me right
But you was just a waste of time(waste of time) (ohh)
Leave!

♥
fai BITCHED at : 12:48 AM